TODAY THINGS

Salaam from Abu Dhabi, and Happy Good Friday to those who care; because no one here does. I finally ventured out today so I have things to talk about.

1.BREAKING NEWS! My ex-boyfriend has finally conformed to the Blogosphere and now has his own rant corner called the mind of a eu-phe-mism. Nothing up yet except this hilarious 'About Me' passage:


A site where we try to find the euphemism's of the world. I plan to talk about Politics, Food, Films,Travel, Science and Technology... basically things that interest me. This site is called Euphemism, because I think the word defines who/what I am. An offensive and blunt person with the charming exterior of a choir boy.


Exterior of a fuckin' choir boy. Tis all on that.
YA, so check it out. I'm adding it to my Link List like...now...


2. Went to Egypt today to do some shopping for respectable internship clothes at Forever 21. Also got my sushi and starbuck's fix; no, not at the same time. That would be ventricular suicide. Okay, so in case you didn't catch that, no I didn't breezily go to Egypt for the day to shop. I went to the Egypt Section of Ibn Battuta mall in Dubai, which is a mall split up into different parts of the world and decorated in their theme. For our family, 2pm means 5pm and it takes about an hour and a half to two hours to get to Dubai from Abu Dhabi, so we got there at 10pm and didn't get to visit the rest of the world. But I think shopping at Forever 21, while slurping Starbucks and then my family and I indulging in sushi and sashimi, kebabs, and sweet and sour chicken with chop suey means we pretty much got a taste of a ton of cultures anyways so it doesn't matter. It would've been great to have pictures of the rest of the place for you guys but personally I didn't miss out because I've walked through the whole place already on my first visit. I'm too tired to go trying on outfits now for you so that will have to wait another day but here are some Abu Dhabi/Dubai pictures.

ABOVE THREE: Egypt Court at Ibn Battuta Mall, Dubai

BEHOLD: the stupidest name for a mexican restaurant IN.THE.WORLD.

A massive billboard in homage to the late Father of the Nation, Sheikh Zayed Bin Sultan Al Nahyan.

A...coat monument on the Corniche taken from my car window.

3. My mom and I are waking bright and early tomorrow to go to 'the white pearl of the Gulf'', the newly finished Sheikh Zayed Mosque. After 12 years of construction, with an estimated spendage of 2.167 billion Durhams, the mosque opened last year for Ramadan. It's one of the 10 largest mosques in the world and can house 40,000 worshippers. It only opens from 9am-11:30am apparently so...gotta catch an early night tonight. And by early I mean 2-ish? I can't do early. My body clock is fucked to bits. This is the best I can do so far, picture-wise (from google) but hopefully tomorrow I'll have a good picture day.

4. According to my ridiculously whacky and fun sources, this month, among other things, is 'National Talk to Your Teen About Sex' month. Now, I like to think that my 17 year old brother, and soon-to-be-in-a-month 13 year old sister, are my teens. I know I am still one, but barely. I am ONE OVER-PROTECTIVE BIG SISTER. You would NOT believe. Today, as the family drove through a highway of nothingness on our way to Dubai, my mother snapping her little fingers to her brazilian music on the 5 track, my brother informed us that tomorrow was him and his girlfriend's monthiversary, marking four happy months together. My sister laughed along with him and blurted "That's all?! I..." She punched feverishly at her Motorola keypad a short and sweet message that read '5 months'. WHAT. THE. HELL. Well, anyways, as crazy as that is for me, the world is heading that way. I'm old. I'll get over it. So, back to my brother. I came home from the gym the other day and found he had a handful of friends over, including this ...GIRL, wearing his hoodie. He tickled her chin when I came in the door and said, "Isn't she gorgeous?"

"Uh huh," I managed.

The two of them usually congregate in his room for hours, and I CAN'T STAND how loud the air conditioning is in this house and how thick and expensive the doors are. I couldn't get an inch of a decibel of sound back to me from that room. All I know is that later, my brother did something clean I have never seen him do. He changed his sheets. OH, TAKE ME BACK! TAKE ME BACK TO MY CAREFREE DAYS! I feel an old crone. My neck hurts and I have knots in my back from all this. He is now on the Corniche (the waterside) fishing with friends, one of whom is THAT GIRL. Fishing my ass...

5. My mother decided to tell me today that she just remembered that the London Philharmonic Orchestra is playing at the Emirates Palace this weekend and next week is Swan Lake. I love how breezily on-dope she is about remembering. Naturally, they are exaggeratedly sold out. And OH YEAH, Dubai Fashion Week ends tomorrow and I already missed Abu Dhabi Fashion Week *mopes*

FOR ALL THE DRUNKEN SLUTS OUT THERE

Urban Aid, man. Gotta give them a pat on the back for this. They are going to make so much money with this. It's All-American ingeniuosness!

The Product: Urban Aid's 'Shame on You' Kit

The contents: 3 condoms, toothbrush and toothpaste, extra pair of one-size-fits-all underwear (a thong, mind you, to retain the sluttiness factor), an emergency phone card, aspirin, and get this...*drumroll* 1 'leave behind' note...

The tagline: If you have to do the "walk of shame" at least you will be clean! No matter what the reason.

The site's really clever though. They've got 'On the Go' kits, 'Period Pal' kits, 'Be My Guest' kits ('If your home becomes a hotel...this is the kit for you'), OH(!) (PHEW I WAS BEGINNING TO GET WORRIED) and a male version of the Boozy One Night Stand bag above., with disposable razor, shaving cream and of course boxers instead etc. The only thing I think they're forgetting to include here is a greasy British 'Fry-Up' for the morning after because aspirin sure as hell doesn't work for me. Actually, sadly, my hangover cure is a simple can of coke.

MONDAY MORNING STUFF

As you know, after taking a hint by my classmates rejoicing on facebook, I HAVE NO CLASS THIS WEEK! So here is how my Monday has started.

I went through my blogroll and naturally was excited about what iCing darling Gala had to say last. She did a post on Neogoth, which has re-inspired me. Yes, I was a goth. I listened to, and still do in small doses, Lacuna Coil, Cradle of Filth, Nightwish, Paradise Lost, yadda yadda...And I remember long ago, shopping with my mother, seeing a large dripping black chandalier and saying, 'Mark my gothic words, Mother, when I get my own place and become a full-blown adult, THAT chanadalier will be hanging over my large clawfoot bathtub.' (I didn't really say it like that, but I can dream). She chuckled and said to me, 'Honey, you're not going to be a goth forever. You'll grow out of it.' But I didn't want to..I worried about that constantly. I wanted to still follow gothic values but I didn't want to look ridiculous picking up my kids from school in platform combat boots, Manson contact lenses and PVC.

So only God knows how much I rejoiced when the Neogoth trend came into being. This morning, thanks to Gala, I decided to have a brief stint of random fun. I put on a Neogoth-esque look just to go to the campus main office and inquire about a package I was expecting from Amazon; the office is 20 paces diagonally from my dorm room. That's how fun it was. I made a stop at the vending machine for Peanut M&M's too just so I could stay a little longer in my outfit. THANK YOU GALA, FOR RE-INSTILLING THE GOTHIC FAITH!

Average Everyday Sane/Psycho Supergoddess! No, not the Liz Phair song but the blog. It is hilarious, ESPECIALLY the latest post ('because the best way to get over someone who's not that into you...') on rolling around drunkenly in bed with her gay friend Marquis. This is officially my blog of the week, even though I do no such category on here. Proceed and Read.

And OMG, If I were kinky to the core, and were a fiancee and had a hen night, I would request that my girlies got me these as gifts. I found them in a post on my new favourite blog, above. Notice I said IF I was a hardcore sex-maniac. Personally, I would like to receive the bunny and peacock tail ones. LOL I feel so embarassed posting this. If you're a Frenzied Fucker, here's the website with a WIDE range of sex crazies.

hehehehe if you don't like rabbits or birds, there are fox tails, blonde and red ponytails...*smirks*

LE DAY

A lot of things happened today. And what I'm going to say is going to make my life sound rather glamorous, but it isn't. It's just that I received my monthly salary from dear old dad a couple days ago and I had no class today.

I went to RoeActive, my university's newly opened gym; the one without any ab machines in a predominantly female institute (WHAT IS THAT?!) I sat on a bike with a copy of 'This is the Beat Generation' reading about artsy people cutting off their fingers with garden shears because their gay lover lived a separate life of modelling and prostitution, and because they lived next door to each other, he could hear him fucking other people (William S. Boroughs). I looked up two large chapters later and saw that an hour and 160 calories had passed. COOL!

Then I rolled around on the floor for 20 mins. with an exercise ball trying to make up my own ab exercises. I hit the weights next. For some reason I couldn't manage for long with the 5lbs. I have never used 5lbs that felt like 10. I stuck to 3 (or RoeActive's 5lbs) and learnt that for several months I had been doing my lunges wrong. GREAT!

I rounded everything off with 20 mins. on the treadmill grooving to Britney Spears. I knew, then, that two hours of gym work deserved a trip to Starbucks. At Sbucks now, I sat there reading a stack of those weekly pop culture mags.

NOW LISTEN! An article talked about a woman's partner getting more and more sexually frustrated because she became too tired to have sex nightly anymore. She didn't understand why he was getting so upset. It wasn't her fault she was exhausted after a long working day. He explained to her that she had been waking him in the night with her heavy moaning and squirming as she masturbated. Seeing this, he then became aroused and tried to initiate sex. And she would shrug him off. The next morning she would have no recollection of it, only wondering why her vagina felt slightly sore the next day. Turns out, there are people out there who sleep masturbate! With orgasms too!

SO! After that, I decided to head home. Boy was I in the wrong place at the wrong time; the bus stop at 5pm. I can't tell you how many packed buses flew past my hollering hand. And when I thought one bus driver was gonna stop and pick me up, he merely slowed down to admire me in my sportswear and wave! But I managed to squeeze onto a number 72 about an hour and a half later (!!!!) so no worries.

LESSONS LEARNT TODAY:
Learn the right plunge when you lunge
Try sleeping with one hand in my trousers
Don't get stuck at a bus stop at 5pm if you really fancy going home.