STALKER

If you've been following me all these months, you will know that best-selling British Asian author Hanif Kureishi dominates my current mental bookshelf. I am about to start 'The Body' this evening, once I round up the last couple pages of Kerouac's 'On the Road'. I'm falling so far behind on my summer reading list for my Developing the Novel class next semester. I'm supposed to be going at a one book a week pace but Kerouac's took me two weeks because of my new crazy/busy schedule (new to the office life, folks).

ANYWAY! I WAS TALKING ABOUT HANIF KUREISHI!!!

Geez, as much as I love my tangential train of thought during my writing process, it kills everything else. So, The Guardian is featuring Writer's Rooms and they naturally chose Kureishi's. Here it isss!

Ahhh...beautiful writer jumble and clutter. This may be of waning interest to you but as the daughter of an interior designer, interiors are just as important to me as wearable exteriors. Besides, a writer's work space must give off the right vibrations and must only have inspiring things within its walls. It's a very key part of the process. Anyway, also required of us for the Developing the Novel class, is that we set up and finalise our writing space this summer in preparation for the long months we'll be spending in them for the class, as well as for the rocky road beyond graduation.

Thank God I came across this because I completely forgot that assignment. But either way this proves tricky for me because I live out here in the U.A.E. half the time and then when I head back to England for school, my accommodation arrangements are pretty much non-existent. I change rooms like underwear. It's crazy. My London belongings are scattered all around London at various friends' and families' houses. And I am certainly not looking forward to the treasure hunt when I get back, of retrieving them and finding a place to rest my head.

Back on track now, I'm not sure how I'll be able to organize a proper work space until I move out to the U.S. after school. AND EVEN MORESO, I find I get more on the page by sitting on a bus from start to finish anyway! I'm set, even if I were a bum.

JUMBLE SALE

Okay, I actually wrote this up last night at home on my laptop until it started giving trouble. So, here it is...

MABUHAY!
I roll with so many filipinos now on a daily basis that I feel I can say that. Can I? And can I tell you how hot the coffee guy is at the ITP Consumer Publishing office where I work? Filipino.

"Ma'am, you on your lunch break now?"
"Yes, indeedy. Where can I find hot water?"
"Hat warder? Ah, ma'am, over heer."
"Salamat."
Smile. "Ahhh. Only hat warder ma'am? No cappuccino today? Not even tea?"
"Oh no. I quit. I just need something to ease my stomach. Hot water."
"Ah, hat warder. Ai Seeee."

Anyway, so this post is what I call a Jumble Sale; just a slobbery mess of everything that's going on and being thunk up by me, all laid out there for you to feast on, since I haven't seen you in what? Four days? Momma's workin'. Leaving the house before 7am and getting home near 9pm means no tolerance for blogging, or just about anything else but splendid slumbers.

ON WITH THE MUMBO JUMBO!

Wellll firstly, a toast, to my name in (very tiny) print. The Fashion director took my full name today to put down for credit helping out with one of July's magazine photoshoots; that lovely colourful one I posted about a couple days back. And might I add that it looks quite fetching on the picture editor's computer so far. Looking forward to the release date (July 1st, and the day after I leave the office)

Secondly, I kissed a girl and I liked it.

I'm afraid of how Katy Perry always manages to sing what I'm thinking. So daring. Loves it. Not her. It. And then there's this version of It...that I...stumbled QUITE ROUGHLY upon...

Hmm...I feel left out. Where did all the teen angst go? And when did the Over-Confident-All-Eyes-On-Me Youngster Generation start up? So, anyway, the song is stuck in my very congested head regardless, along with:

Magic Spells by Crystal Castles

Ultraviolence by HEARTSREVOLUTION

Tomorrow Never Dies by Sheryl Crow and,

Waiting in Vain by Bob Marley and the Wailers

...LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN...

AND, Mark Wahlberg speaks and I listen: "That f**ker lives down the street from me, man! He has to go back to the U.K., because he has the paparazzi all over my house!" AH, YES! I'm sure you can guess who that is...

THEN here is Agyness Deyn stealing my clothes. I actually went on one of my first dates with my current ex in a more fitted and better arranged version of that netted number. But after cleaning out my closet at the end of first year at Uni, I threw it in a garbage bag of donations to a Charity Shop. So I AM CONVINCED(!) that she dug it up at one of the branches, purposefully chucked it in her blender for a minute, then wore it with a brilliant grin.

[I'm Not Obsessed]

I promise you! THAT.IS.MY.TOP. (Anyways; finders, keepers, right?)

THEN here is an honorary mention for the not so honorary Kate Moss, who looks SO BANGIN' in this outfit. I would gladly tie her to a tree with her falling out extensions and rip both dress and shoes (moreso the shoes, if I had to choose, but in my dream I don't) off of her rattling body and run off into the sunset a better person.

[Gossip Girls]

ALSO, I NEED to produce a published article on the appalling madness that is Dubai's NEW transportation system. More on that another day.

IT'S THE WEEKEND!

P.S. I know I've been using constant celebrity posts as an excuse to fill up my blog. I hate that! This blog is not a celebrity-following blog. AT ALL! Please give me some time to R&R&R (the last one standing for refuel. I promise. I'll get it back.

Much love!
L.L. (in the much-anticipated Dreamland)

NOW THAT I WORK 9-5 (6)...

...I realised life is short. Fiction Friday and the likes is cancelled. I'm busy enjoying my adolescence, so go scamper off and do the same. Run along...go on...shoo! Peace.

THREE WHITE STATEMENTS

OMG.
I am SOOOO white. (really. check. track back my entire blog. Half this shit is on there.)
I am also TOTALLY buying that book when it comes out. Totally.

GOSSIP ON THE GOSSIP

This is me and Graduation Doll Olive from Singapore experiencing our first episode of Gossip Girl on a Friday night. We just HAD to see what all the other fashionista bloggers were ranting and raving about:

"What did you think, Oli?"

"Um, ew. Not for us intellectual types, thanks. You're so gonna rape Hollywood in their butts when you make it big with your screenplays, babe. I wish Gossip Girl would shut the fuck up and let ME internalize what just happened. Her voice is way too smug too. Bitch. And if I were Blair, damn straight I'd be an evil bitch too. Why does the blonde have to be so 'yeah, I know. It's all in the past' about my man? Bitch, being drunk doesn't mean license for best friend to fuck boyfriend. AND THEEEN, that guy? Chuck? With the ever-ready boner? Acts and looks JUST LIKE your second to last ex-boyfriend. Nuh uh. Recipe for disaster."

"I concur. Let's go read some I-Ching."

I'M THINKING...

Tonight I'd like to meet up with someone and have a really obscure conversation about everything. We'd sit on the edge of existence sipping from a bottle of liquor in a ridiculous paperbag. Does anyone want to do this? Message me.

THE TEN THINGS

1. SUMMER SEGMENTS! Or Spring rather. A natural wonder spread across the fields of Hitsujiyama Park in Chichibu, Japan. Moss Phlox flowers.



2. I had a dream about it being really early morning. I was sleeping in my parent's bed but they were not around. My sister was making racket outside and knocking on my door and trying to get me to wake up and come out and go sailing with her. She wouldn't stop begging. I just ignored her. Eventually I got so fed up and wanted to get back to sleep so I flung the door open to yell and there was Ellen Page looking at me, smiling. She said it was her all along, and she really really really needed me to go with her because I knew how to handle the boat better and she was scared to go on her own. It was so early it was still dark out, and the waves would be major and thrashing and angry. So, because it was Ellen Page, my girl crush, I started getting dressed slowly. She told me that Diablo Cody(Juno screenwriter) always talked about me, my work, my writing, how great I was at my craft; and said she was always quoting me. And she was serious too. And that's why this was a dream. Anyway, it ends off, I think, with me saying 'Well tell Diablo I said I think she's fuckin' hot.'

3. I got a Facebook Friend Request from Sherel. Still not believing that she blocked me in the heat of fury. Anyway, there is no explanation for why we are now friends and talking again like...a month later. She just up and texted me one day while I was at a bus stop at 2am somewhere...and we've planned to meet up for drinks this week like nothing ever went down. Okay. I can dig it.

4. So I just spent roughly £6 on this Keracare foam wrap set formula to attempt wrapping my hair at night to keep it smooth and stuff instead of rowdy and chaotic when I wake but I have serious skills issues. How come all other black girls wrap their hair effortlessly as if they were born doing it save for me?! UGH I'm such a fuckin' Oreo! It's in a fuckin' ponytail for bed. FUCK THAT!

5. I can't believe how hot I am.

6. I went to the library at 9am for some reason today, to get out copies of 'A Moveable Feast' and 'The Lonely Londoners' but apparently, today was a bank holiday (so they were opening at 11am). So, I jumped on a happy sunny bus with happy sunny people to Marble Arch and went on a ridiculously fruitful Primark shopping spree, where I faced my fears and dug into size 8 pants (rather than my usual size 10) and I came out with the sexiest motherfuckin' pair of tight as lycra black skinny jeans. Jen from Gnarlitude ain't got nothin' on me in them jeans. SHIT. As soon as I came home I just HAD to set myself a task in them. So I braved the student-infested lawn and went to get a coke from the vending machine. This hot lounging blonde guy reacted instantly! ...Okay, but not to my jeans. He said, 'Wow, that girl's sunglasses are fucking epic.' That's okay though. I still took it and flipped my hair and ignored him and walked on in my metal band tshirt and SEXXXYYYY JEAANSSS (AHH!). But I really have to question his whereabouts over the past year, as my sunglasses were only the increasingly popular red wayfarers featured in my blog's header :s

7. I find it really difficult to produce a short story now that it is not required of me. But today, after my Primark haunt, I sat in Starbucks for roughly two hours and wrote several pages of any and everything for the first time since school got out. I'm really worried about this in the future though...It seems like story ideas have evaded me with the arrival of vacation.

8. Four words on film. The Science of Sleep. Rent it, buy it, burn it, steal it, just so long as you see it. Gael Garcia Bernal and Charlotte Gainsbourg!!!

9. I have nuff love for my friend Damian. He messaged me to find out the dates I'll be in Trinidad this summer because he's having a major joint birthday party with his girlfriend and isn't holding it unless I am there. AND I'M SO THERE, BABE! And organizing the DJ it seems...And I'm thinking that I just might re-do my 19th with them too because I didn't get a fair shot this time around what with all my crying and depression over getting old. Yeah, I have incomprehensible issues and am probably making my entire reader population feel geriatric. Sorry.

10. There's something you should know. I own retainers. I make everything cool though so they are hot pink. My teeth are back to their old shifty ways so I am going to start back wearing them as much as possible this summer. I'm talking to myself to hear the slight lisp it creates when you are re-familiarizing yourself with them. I guess I'll have to remain speechless for a couple days.

THE TEN THINGS

1.Everybody is Ugly.

2. There is Crime Scene tape draped all down my street. I swished under them while slurping loudly on my iced coffee.

3. Some things are just shit. And that's what Item of the Day and Japanese Phrase of the Day were. So they had to be chucked. And so they are.

4. Getting my hair dyed black actually did not make me feel new and dark and happy like it usually does. It actually makes me look and feel dull, bland, boring, sad, droopy and dark dark brown.

5. I just looked up the word 'commandment'.

6. It took me 6 hours to reach the 52 minute mark of 'Interview with the Vampire' last night/this morning.

7. I am about to attempt minute 53.

8. I wanted to go to Camden Market today. Wanted to. I hate 'wanted to'.

9. I should be at Walkabout in Shepherd's Bush right now, but I am yawning.

10. Finally. I am yawning.

SEVERAL THINGS ABOUT SATURDAY

Whoa. I can't sleep right. So, I woke up a couple times for the unruly buzz of my cellphone and a knock at the door, which I was so shocked by that I didn't even answer (no one in this flat knows I'm alive. Why would that happen?), but other than that, I literally slept all day. So tonight is going to be interesting. I'll tell you ALLLLL about it.

What's so funny is that the latest song stuck in my head is 'Gubbish' by Chad Vangaalen. Its lyrics go something like this. NOT ONLY that song though! 'Asleep' by The Smiths won't stop popping up when I put my iPod on Shuffle. (Okay we know that's also about suicide but DON'T think so deeply. It's about sleep too)

So I'm taking matters into my own mouth. I'm doing sleeping pills. The date will be set for tomorrow (well today, later, whatever). (Okay we know I sound suicidal and have suicidal tendencies but don't think so deeply. This is about sleep too). I will take them at 10pm and hopefully that will set things straight from there. I have not been on the right time zone since 2006. I've been up and down from Trinidad to Abu Dhabi to London to San Francisco and back, this way and that way, whichever way is cheapest; because my old friends are in Trinidad, my family is now in Abu Dhabi, my school life and flat is in London and my boyfriend (now ex) was in SF. So, it's just never stopped. It's amazing how far apart they all are too, just to stretch my fucked-up-ness even more to the limit.

Usually when I end up pulling these all-nighters I don't fall asleep til noon, and I made an appointment to get my hair dyed black later at 2pm so I'm just gonna have to Redbull it all day long. I HAVE to stay awake. "I'm never goin' to sleep, I'm never goin' to sleep, I'm never goin' to sleep..." That song is so permanently lodged up there....*sigh*

Anyway, to make matters worse, I have a choice of two new DVD's tonight that I bought yesterday because they were dirt cheap. Wait for it....'Interview with the Vampire' and 'The Science of Sleep'. HMMM. To be the living dead or to be the dead living? To be awake or asleep? My brain has hinted enough. It's time to end this Zombie Tirade.

Maybe I should've shamelessly gone to that 'Pimps and Hoes' party at Suburban that I got invited to tonight. Could've just gotten smashed so I would've knocked out conveniently at a fairly decent 3am hour? Oh well, too late. Didn't feel like wearing THOSE BOOTS anyway. But I DID shave my legs this weekend so the mini skirt would've been fun to wear. I hardly ever shave. I opt for the long pants/jeans/leggings route. And well I'm not having sex so...psh! But a couple hours ago, since I shaved, I wore shorts to go collect my pizza and the wind felt like someone was running a silk sheet against my legs...ahhhhh *falls back into a bed of roses* pure bliss. I'll shave more now. :D

So, first thing on the agenda for tonight's sleepless activity was deciding on and ordering several books to read over summer. The class I'm taking next year, Developing the Novel, requires that we read at least 10 books over the summer, not including the Creative Writing texts they asked us to look at as well. So, I made my list:

1.The Lonely Londoners -Sam Selvon (yes, this is where I got my blog title from. I think I read this book in class back in Trinidad. He is a very famous London based Trinidadian author)

2. Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams - Sylvia Plath (I love Sylvia and the title rocks. Plain and simple.)

3. Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper- Diablo Cody (all the Juno fans should know that this is the chick who wrote the screenplay for that movie and won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay, and used to be a stripper, and is gorgeous, and wears gorgeous Daphne Guinness-esque rings like this!) (I will be doing more posts on her in the future. She's my new research project.)

4. The Body: And Seven Stories - Hanif Kureishi (You knew I had to put him in. I'm also struggling through 'Intimacy' and plan to finish it tomorrow at the salon. Seriously guys, get into this guy's work.)

5. A Moveable Feast - Ernest Hemingway (Sadly, this is the first book by this reclaimed suicidal author I am reading. I think anyone who writes such a beautiful short story all in dialogue, about abortion, without even mentioning the word or scenario, deserves my readership - Hills like White Elephants)

6. The Snows of Kilimanjaro: And Other Stories - Ernest Hemingway (gotta know this guy more)

7. Another Sky: Voices of Conscience from Around the World - Hani Kunzru (I heard excerpts from this at a seminar for imprisoned writers/censorship in other countries etc. It is compiled letters from prison, and they are fantastic, and real. The seminar was put on by this group I am planning to join called PEN (Poets, Playwrights, Editors, Essayists, Novelists and their translators), and they aim to 'promote literature, defend freedom of expression, and build a world community of writers'. They're based in 104 countries but here's the wesbite I have for English PEN.)

8. On the Road - Jack Kerouac (I should've read this eons ago. But I read this book about The Beat Generation of San Francisco/New York and all those cats; Ginsberg, Burroughs, Carlos Williams and Kerouac, all the amazing fag writers, and that is one of the craziest things I have ever read, along with 'Howl'. Now I know what I'm getting into and I'm ready for their prose. I remembered about it again tonight because the girl who told me to read it, a friend from Uni, she ran off to India and came back a couple days ago. I missed her a lot. So this is for her.)

9. Naked Lunch - William S. Burroughs (I know. Don't laugh. But I'm ready now.)

10. The Book of Other People: Short Stories- edited by Zadie Smith (Smith is one of my favourite writers, having read 'White Teeth' and 'On Beauty' so...anything with her name attached to it gets me going. This is compiled short stories from UK and overseas writers, including Hari Kunzru who compiled 'Another Sky' above. I figure, if she chose them, they must be damn good. So there.)

I ALSO ORDERED:

11. The Inheritance of Loss- Kiran Desai (Because I think I've read something EPIC from that author before and it's set in the Himalayas and has lots of character Point of View stuff. I realised I like lots of Asian Conflict prose. Theyre very funny and very tragic; Amy Tan's 'The Joy Luck Club', 'Bonesetter's Daughter', Ha Jin's 'Waiting', Arthur Golden's 'Memoirs of a Geisha', Dai Sijie's 'Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress', Hidier's 'Born Confused', Gita Mehta's 'A River Sutra'...I could, and BADLY want to go on...)

ANYWAY, as a result, that's why I am looking for something more on asian culture, and something on Samurai (because I still want to study their ways and become one...yea right). I'm going to also order:

12. Saving Fish from Drowning - Amy Tan (She is an asian wordsmith goddess. I heard this one isn't like her usual Chinese mother/daughter dramas though, and is actually quite disappointing, but I'll be the judge of that)

I AM ALSO TRYING TO FIND:

13. The Savage Gentleman - ? (Amazon is bringing up a buncha crap for this. I think the book might be out of print, which explains why my ex has it wrapped in plastic at home (?) "Hey, Euphemism, a little help finding this book?" Wonder if he'll read this...)

14. Indestructible Wolves of the Apocalypse Junkyard - Max G. Morton (I am so pissed about this one. Jen from Gnarlitude featured it on her blog and, since I shamelessly worship her now, I thought I'd give it a go. It sounded interestingly sick and something new for the reading palate. There are only 500 copies in print and I found one yesterday on Amazon but now it's gone. Will keep checking the website, I guess...)

ANYWAY! I made up my mind to watch 'Interview with the Vampire'. I'm going for sleepless allround tonight. And my pizza's getting cold, and my drink's getting warm, and this is way too long so, Goodnight to all those who sleep!

Nevermind...everyone's up now. Campus alarm went off. MUHAHAHA!

GOOD MORNING, 6:38AM

What the fuck do I do now? I feel like my University dropped me in a garbage disposal at aged 2. I am so bored. I'd kill for an essay to write.

TO PETE, THE ANONYMOUS

Me thinks I'm going to make an attraction out of you. Can you tell how lacking my life is? So, as 'Pete' is a clue, is that supposed to mean I know you already?

'COCAINE: GOD'S WAY OF SAYING YOU'RE MAKING TOO MUCH MONEY'

Just a Fun Fact taken from Book of Joe, who in turn took it from some other bloke...

Asami Novak's February 25, 2008 Wired magazine article "Three Smart Things You Should Know About Currency": "You may have enough cocaine in your wallet to attract a drug-sniffing dog. Studies indicate that blow can be found on between 70 and 100 percent of US bills. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean your greenbacks were used to snort the stuff. ATM mechanisms quickly spread the dust across the entire money supply."

This reminds me slightly of my latest flying debacle, where I was freaking out because I had been to a weed-fused party the night before I was due to fly. I woke up so late that I didn't get a chance to wash my hair and so when I saw these huge sniffer dogs in the airport that day (WHY THAT DAY?!) my mind was reeling with thoughts of whether they would rip off my head because of its ganja'd mustiness. Don't think so, right? Anyways, I freaked. But then they couldn't have accused me of anything anyway because I hadn't done any weed, have NEVER done any weed and had none on me. I'm such a moron sometimes. But if you had been in that airport as long as I had (missed my flight), couldn't get out any cash because HSBC had suspected fraud and de-activated your card, got lectured for causing a bomb scare after going to wash your hands at a restaurant having left your bags for a split second, you would've been thinking about what else could go wrong the way I was too.

P.S. I love how Courtney Love was quoted saying "Cocaine is like really evil coffee." Haha. Smooth. And my title quote is from Robin Williams.

P.S.S. HAD TO POST THIS. It's just a given.

MISS ENGLAND 2008

Yeah, yeah, fuck the hiatus. I'm gonna have to be in and out of the blogosphere for a bit if things like this keep popping up. I guess it's normal, as a non-citizen that I have never heard of the Miss England competition (Is it to later compete in Miss World or Miss Universe?). Celebslam's got it covered though. Tons of vile pictures of the girls traipsing around the King's Road on April 4th. I should really not judge though because this is a bevy of hella confident women, braving the cold and the bodily criticism (I'm sure they got) like that. I know I couldn't do it, the tragically insecure person that I am. Kudos to Miss Surrey for competing. She's probably my favourite there. AND SURREY IS WHERE MY UNIVERSITY IS LOCATED! YAY! Before it was called Roehampton, it was actually called University of Surrey. But I'm confused. I see there's a Miss Roe Hampton in there. Is that the same place? I looked it up and the answer is, yes. Couldn't fucking spell it right, now could you? Whatevs. This competition blows.

MAHARANI LESLEY

HAHAHA Let's go to India with Lesley. She's a funny little fucker.

P.S. Maharani means queen in Hindi.

INSPI(RED)

So, yeah, I watched Fifth Element last night and started thinking about redheads (orange, whatever). I had red hair once. I think it was more fun than the time I was blonde. Actually, ALL my hair colouring experiments were more fun than that one blonde moment. And those include purple, blue, jet black, pink and bright red. Fucking disaster. I was gonna make a joke pertaining to a certain 'fire crotch', but let us maintain POSITIVE red hair vibes. Or not.

CAPTION ME

I can't imagine what was going through my head when I was caught on camera like this - back home in Trinidad visiting friends last year. Click on it for a bigger, clearer version, then leave a caption as a comment. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! It's (remotely) fun.

P.S. I miss that purple shirt though. It's my dad's.

WHILE SCRATCHING MY ASS

As all I've done today is eat take-out, watch unheard-of movies where the kissing is cut out in true Middle Eastern style, and scratched my ass, I decided to fiddle with Polyvore. Here ya go.

'T'd Off'

'Elegantly Lost at Sea' (INSPIRED BY A FOUND PICTURE OF MY GRANDFATHER, WHO WAS A FAMOUS LOCAL SEA CAPTAIN)

'First day on the Internship' (I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR FOR MY INTERNSHIP!)

FOR ALL THE DRUNKEN SLUTS OUT THERE

Urban Aid, man. Gotta give them a pat on the back for this. They are going to make so much money with this. It's All-American ingeniuosness!

The Product: Urban Aid's 'Shame on You' Kit

The contents: 3 condoms, toothbrush and toothpaste, extra pair of one-size-fits-all underwear (a thong, mind you, to retain the sluttiness factor), an emergency phone card, aspirin, and get this...*drumroll* 1 'leave behind' note...

The tagline: If you have to do the "walk of shame" at least you will be clean! No matter what the reason.

The site's really clever though. They've got 'On the Go' kits, 'Period Pal' kits, 'Be My Guest' kits ('If your home becomes a hotel...this is the kit for you'), OH(!) (PHEW I WAS BEGINNING TO GET WORRIED) and a male version of the Boozy One Night Stand bag above., with disposable razor, shaving cream and of course boxers instead etc. The only thing I think they're forgetting to include here is a greasy British 'Fry-Up' for the morning after because aspirin sure as hell doesn't work for me. Actually, sadly, my hangover cure is a simple can of coke.

WHAT ONE DOES WHEN...

You find yourself with something in your wardrobe that you realised you would NEVER wear. My item would be these Tahari boots compulsively bought in San Jose, CA in January. HOW did it happen?

It happened because:

-They were designer and on sale at $60.

-You were heading back home after running off over Christmas break to the US in an attempt to save a relationship that did not want to be saved, you got dumped, and you found yourself in a department store with your ex the night before flying out.

-Like I said, you got dumped. Twice. So you needed retail therapy. The States is cheaper too.

-You thought they looked pretty awesome on you from a tequila girl point of view, and it was refreshing to see after always being either fashionably grungy, hippy or sophisticated all the time.

-You were advised by one of the stockers in the store, who first commended you for wearing a Siouxsie and the Banshees t-shirt AND knowing who they even were, that you definitely needed to buy them because you looked hot, and your ex was right there too.

In this last one I'm shouting at them for being so RETARDED!

WRITING RETREAT

I'm on a writing retreat todayyyy!
It seems The Craft is coming to me more and more frequently these days, the more material I read. WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT?! lol j/k. So...since my lecturer has once again cancelled a session with her this week I must tutorialize myself!
I'm sure I'll be itching later and feel the need to write a post but for now, while I go sit in Starbucks penning and papering and timing my laundry cycle in the campus laundromat (since people like to throw your intimates out to use the machines), I'll leave you with this THING:

With Sincerest Regrets

Like a white snail the toilet slides into the living room, demanding to be loved.

It is impossible, and we tender our sincerest regrets.

In the book of the heart there is no mention made of plumbing.

And though we have spent our intimacy many times with you,

You belong to an unfortunate reference, which we would rather not embrace....

The toilet slides out of the living room like a white snail, flushing with grief....

-Russell Edson

Personally, I love the toilet, Apparently I like taking pictures with him around. Here we are having a moment: